Saturday, August 29, 2009

Movies: "In my evil corporation, the end of the world will mean every day is casual Friday from now on."

My wife walks into the living room where I'm watching Russell Mulchay's Resident Evil: Extinction, his Anderson penned, '07 contribution to the surprisingly long-running film arm of the Resident Evil cross platform franchise. She sits down on the couch.

W: Is this that zombie movie?

CRwM: Sort of. It's like a zombie movie set in the world of Thunderdome. Though the zombies don't seem that important in this one, really. And they swapped in an evil corporation instead of Tina Turner.

W: That was the movie's first mistake. Is Leeloo Multipass wearing chaps?

CRwM: There more like garters. Combat garters.

W: Combat garters?

CRwM: So she doesn't overheat.

W: Is she a robot?

CRwM: No. She's like a clone super-soldier thing with psychic powers. I'm thinking that there was middle movie between the first flick and this one and, as astounding as it seems watching this, I think we're expected to have watched all these films in order, for continuity. Though, honestly, knowing why Leeloo Multipass has to vent heat through her upper thighs wouldn't, I think, make much difference in your like or dislike of this thing.

W: You're making this up.

CRwM: Not the psychic super-soldier clone thing. The heat venting isn't so much made up as a conclusion that I'm drawing. Her other clones do most of their fighting in combat boots and a little red party dress.

W: You're making that up.

CRwM: No, seriously. And that's all I can figure. Psychic super-soldiers must require that their nether regions be free of constricting cover. Since Leeloo is clearly a mouth breather, I'm assuming that it isn't an oxygen exchange issue. And nothing is, um, exuded from there – so it isn't, um. Anyway, I'm deducing that it is a heat sink dealie.

W: That's quite a deduction.

CRwM: Perhaps "I'm choosing to believe" would have better described the mental process.

W: I don't think I gave this movie enough credit for complexity.

CRwM: That's its secret power. Most films require suspension of disbelief. This flick demands massive applications of directed and purposeful nonsense theorizing just to process even the smallest parts of it. In a way, it's very involving. Kinda.

W: Hey, the lady from Heroes!

CRwM: Yeah. She's the leader of this convoy of pure strain humans. Getting them safely to Alaska, where presumably the virus that causes all this trouble hasn't spread, is the conflict here. There's also something between Leeloo and that guy, who I'm calling Mr. Rugged. Though I think that's explained in the missing middle flick. But you'll find their relationship is inert enough that not knowing what their deal is in no way impacts your understanding of their interactions.

Scenes pass.

W: Suits. This must be the evil corporation.

CRwM: Yeah. Though why they are still a corporation is weird. Like, the world ended. The shareholders either live in bunkers or are zombie chow. There is no more profit or loss because there's no economic system except, maybe, barter. And yet these guys still wear suits and have ID pass lanyards and stuff. In my evil corporation, the end of the world will mean every day is casual Friday from now on.

W: I wonder if they still swap business cards when they meet. "Hi, Mitchell from Trading-Cigarettes-for-Bullets division." "Hi Bill. I'm Feinstein, from Hiding-in-Bunker, and this is Davidson, from Accounts Payable."

CRwM: See, the movie's kind of generous in the amount of room it gives you to fill in the details.

W: That's one way to think of it.


zoe said...

ha! that had to be way more entertaining than the actual movie :D thanks!

wiec? said...

i saw one of these movies once by myself and it made my brain sad. i guess the secret is to watch them with someone else.

one thing about zombie movies lately that really bothers me is all this business with business people.
glad you guys picked up on it too. in this and Land of the Dead all these guys in suits seem to still care about money. the only use for money after a zombie holocaust would be for cook fire kindling.

Shon Richards said...

I pretty much despised the first movie when I saw it. Years later, my current wife listed the series as one of her favorites and I was shocked. To her it was just fun action sequences in cool outfits. I saw them again with her in a new light. Weird what can change a perception on a movie's quality.

And OMG, you are totally correct about the heat vents.

AndyDecker said...


That was great.

I am very fond of the Resident Evil movies. Not that they are good movies. They are not. Each one has some basic flaws and scenes doen´t make sense. They are like a Zombie Theme Park only for kids. PG-13 horror.

And the Mad Max one had the lamest ending imaginable, a sort of let´s recycle scene 22 from I and scene 77 from II, nobody will know it because they are still to busy filling in the continuity gaps.

Still there is something fun seing Leloo Multipass kicking some corporate suits ass.

Part IV is greenlit, I read these days. Presumbly the first 20 minutes are in a lingerie-factory, an army of Leloo clones looking for combat-garters. :-)

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