Tomorrow will be the last day to submit limericks (the poetic form so hot, they gave it its own magazine - see above) for the ANTSS Tricentpostiary contest. Already, regular commentators, first-time readers, and members of League of Tana Tea Drinkers have submitted. It's like there's a party in my email inbox and you – yes, mang, you! – are invited.
I know, I know. You've got work and families and crap and you just can't find the time. I respect that. But I'm telling you: Quit work, go home, kill the spouse, and sell the children into slavery, because you freakin' need to work on something to submit for this contest. It is that important.
You with me now? Good.
Here's the dealie, yo. Write a limerick summarizing the plot of any horror film. That's right: any film that floats your boat is okay with me. Then submit it with your name and address to my email at crwm44[insert "at" symbol here]yahoo[and here goeth the dot]com. I'll take no submissions after Wednesday and the winner will be announced Thursday. You can submit as many limericks as you please.
Now let's tackle some common questions people have about the ANTSS Tricentpostiary contest.
What do I get if I win?
Why, my good man (or woman), haven't you heard? You will be the proud recipient of The Mammoth Book of Best Horror Comics. Inside you'll find several hundred pages of horror comic goodness. Plus, the several hundred pages are carefully numbered and presented in order – so you'll never be lost while reading. The book is also presented in Mammoth's patented Rectagnlo-vision – suitable for use with most shelves and other name brand books storage systems.
Is this some kind of cult thing?
Good question. Unfortunately, we’ve been asked by our legal council to avoid directly addressing this issue. Let's just say that were not saying it might not completely be some kind of not cult thing.
What do I get if I don't win?
The solemn pride that is the possession only of those noble souls who, hearing the call of duty, answered it honorably. Even if their limericks weren't so hot.
Is it still authentic jerk if I use standard charcoal and not allspice wood?
Sure. Heck yeah. Why not? Don't let the purists give you a hard time. It's all good.
What do I get if I don't enter the limerick contest?
Naught but the bitter gall of shame. And infamy shall gnaw at the guts of your descendents even on to the seventh generation of the seventh generation. For reals. Best to simply enter and avoid such a dire fate.
So enter already!
ANTSS FUN FACT: There's an "Irish Town" section of Limerick, Ireland, which is sort of like having a Little China in Beijing.