Thursday, February 22, 2007

Movies: Lake flaccid.

According to the pop-up-besotted Bloody Disgusting web site, Fox DVD is cranking out a sequel to the giant croc "thriller" Lake Placid. This new flick will surface briefly on the Sci-Fi Channel before taking up space in the bargain bins of selected DVD retailers nationwide. This proves, once again, that there is no cinematic well so befouled, so tainted with lameness, so clearly critically and commercially unwanted, that some money-hungry filmmaker won't try to draw more water from it.

The question of the day, then, opened to all Screamin' readers, is this: what's the worst horror film to ever get a sequel?

9 comments:

Sasquatchan said...

Anaconda, by far. Depending on how you look at it, on IMDB, there were 2 sequels (King Cobra/Anaconda 2, and Anacondas: search for blood orchid)

Screamin' Dave said...

Ghoulies.

And I hear a sequel to Alone In The Dark is underway, which will surely make it the new gold standard.

Now a whole other discussion is the worst sequels that spawned yet more sequels. Exorcist II for instance.

cattleworks said...

First, I actually kind of enjoyed Lake Placid.
Second, LAKE FLACCID: strangest and most misguided porn rip-off of a mainstream film ever!

CRwM said...

Screamin' Sassy:

Good one, right off the bat. There's something doubly damning about making a crap flick when you've got an Oscar winner (John Voigt) in your flick. ANACONDA joins SPECIES, which features Ben "Gandhi" Kingsley, in that rare category of crap horror flicks with Oscar winners in them.

CRwM said...

Screamin' Dave:

Ghoulies was crap that lasted way too long. Unlike Critters, which had a weird charm for all its crapiness.

CRwM said...

Screamin' Works:

I'm not going to pretend that LP didn't have it's moments. But it was disposable silliness at best.

More importantly, you know more about horror cinema than anybody I've ever met. You've got to have a nominee for worst horror flick to spawn sequels!

SpaceJack said...

Darn, I kinda liked Anaconda. John Voigt was fantastic, and also starred a young Jenny just off the block.

My vote would go to the Hills Have Eyes remake whose sequel comes out soon. Nothing about that film worked for me at all.

CRwM said...

Screamin' Jackie,

You may have touched on some ur-category of crap - the worst film to spawn the worst remake to spawn a sequel. The mind boggles. I actually dug Hills, but one man's locker full of human parts is another man's poison, I always say. And, as I've stated before, I've got a weakness for people gone feral and cannibal.

cattleworks said...

Dude:
I blush. You flatter me.
No, seriously, you flatter me about my supposed knowledge, because after reading some of these other horror blogs, I feel like I'm merely treading water sometimes with what little I've actually seen.
But enough of that modesty crap.
Part of the "problem" here is I never really categorize films into "crap," no matter how deserving they may be.
I think it's part of the wannabe filmmaker in me that I can't really criticize a filmmaker for actually having put something together on film.
But, after having said THAT:
there's another "ur-category": direct to video sequels.
This is mind-boggling to me because it implies the first film was that popular to start out with.
But that's all packaging hype anyways.
Direct-to video series have sequels that were never intended to be sequels, but then got purchased for distribution and the title was changed to become a sequel.
A case in point close to home:
DARK HARVEST 2: THE MAIZE.
I never saw DARK HARVEST. I'm assuming that was direct to DVD.
But it had a sinister scarecrow in it (I never saw it).
THE MAIZE, made locally on digital video, got bought up by Lion's Gate and repackaged as the above sequel.
It has a sinister scarecrow on the DVD art.
There is no scarecrow, sinister or otherwise in this movie.
Nor is there added footage of same to the original film.
It's just a title slapped on to a product.
So, does this count?
Because believe me, whatever its title, THE MAIZE is an awful movie on several levels.
In fact, it made top worst horror film ever on IMDb:

http://www.imdb.com/chart/horror

THE HOWLING, which was NOT bad, seemed to spawn a whole series of crap. I've never really watched any of them after HOWLING 2. But, they introduce were-marsupials in one of the films, and I just have the feeling there's a consistent lameness about each entry.
But, that's not what you were asking...

The FULL MOON productions seem like they might qualify, because it always seems they're trying to start a franchise, or, at least, they did. Are they still cranking out product?
The PUPPETMASTER series (9 films), DOLLMAN series (2 films), TRANCERS series (6 films), SUBSPECIES series (4 films), DEMONIC TOYS series, and then, true comic book fashion, crossover sequels like PUPPETMASTER VS. DEMONIC TOYS, DOLLMAN VS. DEMONIC TOYS, etc.
But, some off these have their charm as well.

But, boy, THE MAIZE IS pretty damn awful. And NOT in a fun way.