Friday, December 15, 2006

Contest: Horror haiku.

On this blog, I've reviewed three novels from Dark Horse Press' Universal Monster tie-in series. The first was Paul Di Filippo's Time's Black Lagoon featuring everybody's favorite man-fish. Next up was Stephan Petrucha's monster versus madman showdown, Shadow of Frankenstein. Finally, today, I reviewed Witcover's excellent Dracula: Asylum. I going to give you all three of these books, slightly used but free of charge!

What do you have to do? Nothing.

Well, almost nothing.

And Now the Screaming Starts is holding its first ever contest and entering is as easy as counting to five, then seven, then five again.

Write a haiku featuring your favorite horror figure. It could be an 80s slasher or one of the Universal stable or one of those creepy ghost chicks that J-horror can't get enough of. I can't tell you who to pick. How the hell do I know who your favorites are? Get your head in the game, man. Think.

Here's the rules:
1. Write in English.
2. Submit your haiku as a comment to this entry. Haikus that show up elsewhere can't win.
3. The title of your haiku should be the character's name.
4. Submit as many as you like. Go to town.
5. Contest limited to residents of the continent of North America.
6. I'm choosing a winner on the afternoon (NYC-time) of the 22nd, so get your best efforts in before then.

Here's a sample:

Freddy
Nightmare teen stalker.
Can do anything he wants,
Except pick his nose.


Like that, only not sucky.

The winner will be the one I like best. If I pick your haiku, I'll send you my copies of all three books (they've been read – if you're anal about that, don't enter) and I'll pay the postage.

Have fun, dear readers.

13 comments:

cattleworks said...

Deadly Spider from NUDE FOR SATAN:

Eight pipe cleaners strain
For hot Calderoni flesh.
Absurd wet nightmare

This Italian dish,
“Trapped” in my non-sticky snare
(Boy Scout made? Hang on!)

My ping pong eyes pop,
Like her breast from cheap nightie.
I hover lamely

cattleworks said...

Evelyn, Susan’s Tempting Darker Other-Self from NUDE FOR SATAN:

She nibbles my mouth
Her nude body entwines me
Why is this evil?

She’s hot for my bod,
But chuckles at Susan’s plight:
NOW what, Erection?

cattleworks said...

Godzilla

Screaming! Destruction!
Wait, there’s… cheering? “Go-jira!”
FLASH! Stupid tourists.

Scared of TV said...

Title: Samara

It's not the black hair,
The backwards crawl, the drowning.
Nope. It's the static.

cattleworks said...

The Devil/ ROSEMARY’S BABY

I’m bad, that’s my rep.
I knocked up ol’ Blue Eyes’ frau
Just because I COULD.


Michael Myers/ HALLOWEEN

The night HE came home,
Was he consciously stalking
MARION CRANE’S child?

Sasquatchan said...

The Monster

Peter Boyle dies
No more puttin on the iiitz
No love for Raymond

CRwM said...

Sasquatchan,

Nice one. A timely tribute.

cattleworks said...

Jenifer /Dario Argento’s JENIFER

The flesh that brings lust?
Or the face that finds mercy?
Can you pass her test?

Screamin' Dave said...

CHUCKY

Little psychopath
I love your OshKosh B'gosh
But not your sequels

Screamin' Dave said...

JACK FROST

Serial killer
Acid made you fuse with snow
Ain't fuckin' Frosty!

Scaring the neighbors
Raping with your carrot nose
Christmas came early

Is it cold in here?
Look out, Jack! That cop's not dumb
Beware antifreeze

cattleworks said...

JASON:

Ultimate mom’s boy-
not tied to bloody apron-
but twisted tree’s fruit

Secretly watching
He waits to make it three-way
Machete erect

Dream: ice, like red slush;
His stick- a human skewer.
He gets the shut-out!

cattleworks said...

Face-hugger/ALIEN

Two-fisted death grip
Sprung on curious Kane, with
Deep throating “welcome!”


Chest-burster/ALIEN

Uninvited guest
Suddenly exits rudely
Kane’s worst week ever


ALIEN

Hans Rudi’s brainspawn:
Obscene bio-mechanics
Predatory id

CRwM said...

This contest is officially over.

I'll post the name of the winner in the next entry.